Consciously Curated Content

8/4/2022 0 Comments

Dancing with Your Dark

Standing in the corner She fidgets, uncomfortably staring at Her feet. She is your Loneliness. Your Not Enoughness.

She is your Exiled Inner Child, your Drowned Adolescent, your Unmet Expectations and your Crossed Boundaries.

You see Her. And She sees you.

Tears stream down Her face and you quickly avert your gaze.
You are easily swept away by the handsome Pressure to Perform, who bedazzles the crowd leading you in grand gestures across the room.

You steal a gaze at Her, in the corner still. You can feel Her pain like outstretched arms, reaching and grasping for you.

So you turn to the punch bowl. Savor your accomplishments with the taste of (spiked) cherry tang and then back to the dance floor.

Gettin’ jiggy with the cool crew of Image, Falsity and Fame.
It’s nearly the end of the night, and you can't help but glance over to that dark corner.

Oh No!
She is slumped over in despair on the floor.
GO! Be with Her! How bad does it have to be until you ask Her to dance?

As you lift Her up you feel the ropy embrace of Her solitude.
The weight of Her prisoner’s chains. You want to let go.
Hold Her in your embrace.
See Her. Feel Her. Be with Her.
And Dance.

Maybe it’s a Lullaby of Longing.
Maybe a Rap of Rage and Regret.
Let Her lead you, guide you, into the shadows.
Into Yourself.
Let Her in.

*Photo by I.am_na

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2/28/2022 0 Comments

What the Ozarks, food technology and cancer have to teach us about aligning metrics for success

Continuing the war on drugs vs. fighting it, food tech that exacerbates food inequality rather than filling the gap, and a denial of information that could lead us to end cancer - all present evidence that we must redefine our metrics of success and aim for a very different kind of target.

Fueling the war on drugs
Possible spoiler alert for season 4 of the Ozarks

Marty and Wendy are on the cusp of freedom from their money laundering life, from drug lords and cartels, and from cremating bodies in the middle of the night. But their plans are thwarted thanks to an FBI agent that actually does her job and goes “rogue” against her boss who admonishes her righteousness, laughing, “We are not here to actually win the war on drugs”. The true mission of the FBI, she goes on to explain, is to develop partnerships with the cartels and keep an insider eye on supply and demand.

The “War on Drugs” is not being optimized to eradicate drugs, but to justify the existence of those hired to fight the so-called-war. At some point, in this fictitious, but albeit too real scenario, the agency hired to help solve the problem somehow loses sight of the big picture and overall goal, and instead focuses on self-serving needs and objectives.

This is a fundamental misalignment of metrics for success. We’ve sadly, seen it before.

Continuing World Hunger

“The shutdown of slaughtering and meat-packing plants in response to Covid-19 caused troubles upstream, forcing farmers to kill and dispose of livestock that were too expensive to feed without the certainty of sales. This is what happens when a system fine-tuned for efficiency, productivity, and profit collides with a shock” - Fabio Parasecoli, a Professor in the Dept. of Nutrition and Food Studies at NYU wrote in MIT Tech Review.

The metrics of food technology success are profit driven, and not aligned to actually end hunger. In one example, they are specifically optimized for patent owners of genetically modified strains of wheat, soybeans and corn that could easily be shared with farmers in Africa and East Asia and applied to local crops such as taro and cassava to create more resilient crops and a healthier food system. But “they aren’t, because that wouldn’t generate profits large enough to interest the private biotech sector”, Parasecoli wrote.

It is worth noting that as of the writing of this article there are cumulatively 6.2 million deaths from COVID-19, but compare that to 20+ million deaths from hunger in the same time period. I compare these because hunger could have been prevented had the metrics for “success” included a focus on decreasing world hunger…

What’s hiding beneath the iceberg of Cancer

The “war on cancer” officially started in 1971 with President Nixon’s National Cancer Act to fuel financing for cancer research. Cancer was then the second leading cause of death in the U.S. and now, half a century later – guess what? Cancer is STILL the second leading cause of death in the U.S. (and the leading cause of death worldwide).

The war on cancer could have ended a long time ago had eastern philosophy been embraced along with western technological advances as part of a holistic preventative care system (and in some places this is being done).

Once again, the metrics for success are myopically focused on profit alone and rarely is patient health actually optimized. Thousand-year-old practices like breathing, downtime, good sleep and diet are rarely prescribed or even discussed with patients, the focus being on drug alternatives and costly therapies.

In my own pre-cancer health journey, never once did a doctor ask me about my lifestyle, diet, or general mental health state and never once was it suggested that I consider how these could affect my health. It was only after several surgical procedures that I discovered the answers on my own (and in short it has EVERYTHING to do with lifestyle, diet and stress).

Science is just now catching up to “prove” what many of our ancient ancestors knew and believed for centuries. So my question is WHY isn’t this information even shared or suggested to patients? Patients who are willing to go through experimental drug trials, to be prodded and poked and injected with who knows what…wouldn’t they want to know about the existence of these resources as well?

What this means for aligning metrics for success

What we aim for is where we land. Energy flows where our attention goes. And attention naturally goes toward optimizing for the goals and objectives we (or our companies, societies, communities) have set for ourselves.

So the question is how can we align with solutions rather than self-fulfilling or company-aggrandizement goals?

The consistent practice of mindfulness and meditation helps you recognize where you’re placing your focus (and where energy is flowing). Eventually we move beyond identification with our thoughts (and egos) to realizing we are not our thoughts and it is from this “wiser self” perspective we can set our aim and focus.

What are the KPIs that drive you and your company? Have you considered incorporating KPIs that include:

Employee health and wellbeing (as evidenced by mental health, number of sick days and leave)
Engagement + motivation (as evidenced by alignment between company and individual values)

Have you reflected on the following for your company?:

Where are we headed? Why does it matter? How does each team member contribute and do they know and understand their value?
Are we aware of our individual metrics for success? Do we need a “reframe” to live in alignment with our values?
What resources do we need to support us and what boundaries need to be put in place to align on values and real success?

Let me know how this lands for you. As usual, I just ask that we are kind in how we pose questions and we have an open mind in exploring this path together.

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9/27/2021 16 Comments

The dark side of success

Article edited by Filipe Rocha, Center for Human Flourishing

The Illusion: The Race to the Top

My heart buzzes with excitement and possibility in this picture-perfect New England summer day. Not a cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze and a comfortable 78 degrees. The kind of day we suffer those long winters for.

I was thrilled to be joining my team on our annual summer outing sailing along the Boston Harbor. Thanks boss!

My mouth watered at the sight of the lobster rolls, oysters, artisanal beer, champagne and all the delicacies we could dream of. My boss pulled me aside and commended me on my hard work and incredible results. I was being considered for making partner. I felt amazing. The beer buzz maybe helped a little.

What else would one ask for?

I was on top of the world. I always reached for “the top”.

In high school and university reaching for the top meant getting straight As and graduating from an Ivy League university Magna Cum Laude. Then in my 20s while working on Wall St. at AIG reaching for the top was becoming the #1 underwriter (they ranked all 200 of us weekly) based on the revenue I earned the company.

Post MBA (from MIT Sloan, mind you) reaching for the top meant getting promoted and making partner, which meant doing anything that enabled my company to earn 15% or more revenue over the previous year, and then the same or more the year after that.

The endless networking events and dinners meant I had little time to spend with my partner or with myself. The intense and high-paced rhythm pushed me to be constantly ON. I was having recurring urinary tract infections and just kept popping antibiotics, never making the connection that my body was screaming at me to slow down.

Meanwhile the climb never ended. There was always more to do, more outreach I should be doing, more potential clients I could be reaching, more opportunities to increase our revenue. I had a bright red Prius with leather seats, but my friends just got a Leaf.

There was more to achieve, I needed to be better. The huge win I had received lavish praise and compensation for just a few months ago, was now old news. For some reason, it no longer gave me that gratification, that high sensation, that feeling of pride and satisfaction. In other words, it no longer filled and fulfilled me. So, I needed more. I needed to find the next success, the next great sale, the next praise to feel satisfied again. What could I conquer next?

On my way to the top I received bigger bonuses, participated in ever more extravagant and exclusive celebration dinners. Climbing to the top definitely had its perks.

But at what cost?

The Reality: the (Rat) Race

I soon realized with this insatiable desire for MORE, the reach for the top was always in sight but always just out of reach.

Constantly reaching for an exponential and unattainable goal kept me from being at peace with myself. I was constantly chasing the “dangling carrots” of more praise, more accomplishment, more recognition and more money. I was filling myself up on these false substitutes for happiness, and never getting full.

Maybe you can relate?

More importantly this “race to the top” and myopic focus on financial gain alone led to company decisions that were based on selfish personal gain and often led to unethical behavior.

Company parties and booze-infused networking events often resulted in extra-marital shenanigans; we promised “the world” to the clients at the pitch meeting to win the deal, but the delivery didn’t always add up.

It was easy to get swept up in all this. I mean everyone else was doing it so...

After the boat docked the party continued. We landed with happy hour and hours later we closed the bar. We then continued at a colleague’s home nearby and needless to say the sun- and booze-filled day left me dehydrated. At some ungodly hour I was vomiting over my colleague’s kitchen sink with another colleague holding my hair. Was this “the top”?

The “highs” of winning big deals and getting promotions, even these reckless nights out on the company dime meant nothing compared to the “lows” of a deep inner knowing that something was really wrong. I had come to truly care for my colleagues and clients. I could see this pressure to reach the top and the “short cuts” they’d been taking to get there was taking a toll on them. I could tell because it took a toll on me. I wasn’t sleeping well. I spent weekends drinking and doing recreational drugs, and filling my time with never-ending plans and to dos. I worked hard to numb that inner knowing because I wasn’t ready to accept that my whole life I had been in a race to “the top”, a top that in fact didn’t exist.

I did, fortunately, have my regular yoga practice, one I started in high school and had luckily kept up over the years. Yoga grounded me in self-inquiry. It was during my yoga practice I had a glimpse into something more than this race to the top. In these moments of being with the present and being with myself, I could hear and feel this inner knowing.

I started to listen.

Elevating Consciousness: Living Truth

Meanwhile, my partner João and I got engaged and in considering a location for our destination wedding we took an exploratory trip to João’s native Azores Islands. Even though I had traveled to nearly 40 countries, I had never seen a place so rich in natural beauty, culture and delectable fresh cuisine.

After that trip I came home from a tough day at work and felt the harsh reality of the world (prison) I had created. I felt so defeated. I had worked hard to build something I now didn’t believe in nor want to be a part of. I didn’t need the country club membership or the house on the Cape. And I certainly didn’t need the miserable life (broken marriages and substance abuse) that went along with it all. There had to be another way.

After hearing me complain for the umpteenth time about all this João asked me, “So what makes you feel complete? What gives meaning to every day?”

The conversations that followed in those 18 months leading up to the wedding turned our wedding planning trip into a life planning trip and is where the story of MINUVIDA begins…

Questions to you dear reader:

Can you relate?
What is "the top" for you?
How do you live your truth?

16 Comments

7/3/2021 2 Comments

Going within; a dance with silence

I marked my 40th birthday with five days of silence on a self-designed personal retreat. I healed decades of not giving myself what I truly needed and want to share this powerful experience with you.

Knee-deep in the pandemic (December, 2020) and uprooted from the patterns and events that enable us to know what day of the week, or even what month, it is, I couldn't forget that my 40th birthday was soon approaching.

The familiar birthday stress started to creep in like the longer nights of winter -- a desire to “feel special”, to be remembered, to feel loved. The shadows of birthdays forgotten loomed ominously closer.

Subconsciously I would always remember who remembered me, who gave me what, how much that represented how special I was to them. Or not.

This time would be different. I was being called to look deeper; my wiser self was practically yelling at me to give to myself what I needed all these years.

And so I arranged to spend my 40th birthday, by myself, in five days of silence, in the middle of "nowhere".

Below I describe my preparation, experience and key learnings. I share this in hopes that you will consider incorporating time with yourself (whether in silence or simply on retreat, for a day or even an hour) into your life.

Preparations
I arranged a stay in a restored house in the remote village of Sanguinho, accessed only by foot, nestled in the hillside with a view to the parish of Faial da Terra below. I might as well have been on the other side of the world, separated by the tallest mountain range of São Miguel from my home, a winding and serpentine one-hour drive away.

I contemplated staying home for my retreat (I live at a retreat and learning center). However, home is also my office and I knew I needed to be away for this time, away from staff, from João, and from the temptations to always be “doing”.

Logistics
I laid out specific intentions for the retreat, one of which was “to simply BE”. I knew that being alone in silence for five days, on my own for meals and for my entire day-to-day was going to be “a lot” so I planned ways I could be supported:

I organized my schedule a few weeks in advance to let my yoga students and clients know I’d be away and set up my out of office responder on email. This prep was critical for me to know I could truly disconnect from my phone and email and have no responsibilities during this time.
I crafted, with the help of João, a simple meal plan, made a list of what I planned to bring (my crystals, journals, candles, oracle cards), as well as rain gear and warm clothing.
I brought music and a few books so I wasn’t being too austere or hard on myself. I decided it wasn’t okay to bring a bunch of fiction books but I did want to have the Yoga Sutras and the Bhagavad Gita with me (reading felt like a distraction, but the sacred texts aligned with my intention to deepen my practice).
I turned off all my phone notifications so I wouldn’t be tempted or get “sucked in” and set an intention to not look at email or social media until the last day (my birthday).
I agreed with João to check in once a day by text so he could rest easy and I wasn’t totally isolated from the world.

And so it was, on Monday, Nov. 30, 2020 the afternoon of the powerful full moon lunar eclipse, I arrived and settled into my home for the days ahead: a gorgeous stone cottage with a wood burning stove heater, a kitchen, and a beautiful bathtub. The bathtub was a very pleasant surprise <3

Day One Adventures
As soon as I bid adieu to the owner, who left me with the keys, I realized the house had no toilet paper. Luckily I had brought a roll with me (but just one!). While the village has staff they had left for the day and the following day was a holiday. Almost immediately, panic crept in and every time I had to pee there was an inordinate amount of anxiety around how much toilet paper I could use; Would I have enough to last me two days? Should I measure the whole thing and ration off squares?

It’s amazing how the mind works (broods, goes a bit crazy…?).

Meanwhile I was distracted from the toilet paper fiasco by the realization that I was all alone and the main door to the house shut in such a way that if I ever left the house without my keys I would be completely locked out. My imagination ran wild for a bit, seeing myself locked out in the middle of the night, wandering around in slippers huddled under a tree.

There goes that mind again...

I had to trust. I was going to be okay.

I decided it was time to smudge the house.

I lit my cedar bundle along with some dried lavender and called out for protection and support from my wiser self and “spirit team”, and while waving the smoke my intention was to clear any old, stagnant, or negative energies. Amazing what a little energy cleansing can do.

That afternoon I walked around the village of Sanguinho, wandered the meandering paths among fruit trees and at each turn noticed something new and different, and strikingly beautiful.

The fluffy moss beckoned me, I followed the path to a partially completed mud hut sauna, feeling that I was inside the womb of Mother Earth. Another path to bright pink camellia flowers, and following the sounds of a running brook nearby I noticed just how many different plants, mosses and ferns make up the grass we normally just pass by. My afternoon meander was cut short by a sudden downpour and luckily I was just steps from home.

Returning to the house (yes I had my keys!), it was time to light the wood stove. Starting the fire was yet another Day 1 Adventure. João lights all our fires at home and the last time I started a fire, I um, set a small part of our house on fire… so I wanted to be extra careful.

My fire adventure must have lasted over an hour, fiddling with the chute and the amount of air coming in. At one point the entire house was filled with smoke and I was grateful for the wind gusts that cleared the air. Finally I had a beautiful crackling fire, enjoyed a calming yin yoga practice and turned my attention to dinner.

Ah, eating in silence, I had a simple dinner and luckily no major adventures during this part of the day ;-). After dinner I spent some time listening to music and sipping herbal tea and I read a few of the Yoga Sutras before I drifted off to sleep.

In the days that followed
I would wake up and avoid looking at any time-telling devices, have a glass of water and head straight to the terrace for morning yoga. While I have had a daily personal practice for a few years now I am almost always aware of the time and the days’ to-dos ahead. During this retreat, however, I took my time and practiced what and how I wanted, for as long as I liked. Who knew what time it was, who cared?!

After practice I took my time making breakfast. Apparently a bit too much time the first morning as the bread I put into the toaster oven was burnt to a crisp!

The December low-pressure weather system of sun, then rain, then wind, then more rain meant I spent some mornings writing, reflecting and just gazing out the window. Usually by mid-morning the weather cleared and I would go for a hike. The village sits in one of the most stunning trail systems on the island and I enjoyed walks in the village and the various trails.

Hiking in silence enabled me to really soak up all the beauty around. I noticed so many little details and heard my every step. I was fully present in each moment and stopped every so often to pick a fallen flower or leaf on the ground. Amazing what treasures nature always has for us if we’re willing to be present enough to receive them.

Post hike I often enjoyed some yin yoga and writing and made time for evening cooking. I’ve always believed in the practice of “food as medicine” and without any rushing I was able to start cooking dinners with intention, lighting a candle and playing some mantras, and cooking while fully present. I must say the meals were absolutely delectable.

After dinner I would sit in the lounge chair, sipping herbal tea, sometimes listening to music, sometimes in stillness, allowing myself to simply be. What a true luxury.

Before bed I drew a hot bath, often with the petals of flowers or leaves I had found during my hikes earlier in the day. After the bath I spent time doing self-massage and gave myself Reiki. I had started my menstruation and this was by far the most nourishing period I had ever had. Interestingly and maybe not surprisingly, I had almost no cramps or discomfort that usually comes with my monthly cycle. I wished that every woman could have this deep self care time and set an intention for that.

One evening, warmed from my bath and self-care practices, I stepped onto the terrace to gaze up at the clear winter sky. Flanked on all sides by mountain ranges I felt like I was peering into a magical star-studded bowl. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of a shooting star. It felt like an eternity in that moment; the rustle of the trees, the infinite expansiveness of the stars, my breath, and being in it and part of it all.

Sanguinho is truly magical.

BEING and not DOING
I definitely had to be mindful not to get into “doing” mode, i.e. feeling I need to do X amount of yoga each day or spend a certain amount of time writing. It helped that I was on my cycle and a bit more physically tired so it was easier to follow the call to just rest, sit and observe.

I was able to BE by listening, feeling and allowing my body and intuition to guide me. After the first day in silence this became much easier as we need time to make the shift from constantly being “on” to allow ourselves to go within, and with our own flow.

Ceremony + Celebration
The day before my birthday I walked to the famous Salto do Prego waterfall. I have had a belly button ring since I was 16 years old, and I only ever changed it once so the little piece of metal on my tummy was holding around 20 years of accumulated experience and energy. I thought about all the incredible experiences that have made me who I am today, the joyful moments as well as the challenging ones, the lessons learned. I took some time to remember all that I was grateful for while holding this ring in my hands, filling it with this gratitude. I then stood from the top where the water cascades down the cliff and released the ring to the waterfall, asking her to accept my love and carry away and release anything that no longer served me.

Upon releasing the ring to the waterfall, to say I was overwhelmed with emotion would be an understatement. I truly felt the waterfall respond and I felt lighter, filled with tears of release, joy and all the feels.

Later that evening I entered the mud hut and took some time to honor all that I experienced and intentionally share it with all of humanity. I know that when each of us heals and releases, we do it for all of consciousness.

A note on ceremony: Ceremony (and even ritual) has long been part of our culture and lives; think about your morning “rituals” (coffee, exercise, etc.) or the “ceremony” of the holidays or family gatherings. Ceremonies don’t need to be anything heavy or weird, or instill fear or discomfort. Rather, they are opportunities to connect, honor and be present with the sacredness that is. In the future I’ll write more about how I enter into ceremony, but anyone can do it and it’s a very special practice.

The Big Day
It was day five of my silent retreat and I was giddy with excitement to wake up on my 40th birthday on December 4!

The night before I had made a birthday card for my younger self and put out a few “gifts”. (Before the trip I had gone shopping for my “younger self”, the me that felt so let down when my birthday was forgotten or I didn’t get any gifts). There’s just nothing like tearing open the wrapping paper on your big day (even if you know what’s inside!).

Needless to say I started my birthday and the decade of being in my 40s feeling 100% content and fulfilled in my own skin. Yes it would be great to hear from folks and maybe even receive a few surprises but there’s no way I would feel disappointed or let down. Ever again.

I have everything I need. I can give myself what I need. I can openly receive without expectation.

As I opened up my phone for the first time in five days (besides texting João once per day as promised), I was so excited to connect with my family and friends. The hours that followed flew by on calls with loved ones. My throat became sore as I hadn’t spoken in days.

Ironically I came out of silence to find out we were in (yet another!) lock-down… but I made it home safely and enjoyed a lovely evening with no expectation, now a 40-year-old woman, starting this next chapter and decade knowing that everything I need is right here with me. Taking the time to slow down, be with myself -- all of me

Closing Thoughts
My dance with silence began in 2009. I spent 10 days in silence on a Vipassana retreat in Sweden, one of the hardest and most powerful things I’d ever done in my then 28 years of life, and an experience that paved the way for a life-long practice.

I started meditating regularly and while it would take years until I discovered the bliss of a daily practice, I had been to the well and I knew how to fetch my own fulfillment; it has been inside me all along.

Taking small or longer periods of silence is known as the sacred practice of mouna. In today’s “Age of Overstimulation” taking silence can seem daunting, so think of it as taking time for yourself. It’s not just about being quiet but about reducing and or removing external stimuli to be with yourself and tune in.

Let me know if you practice silence, how you do it and tips and / or ideas you gained from this essay!

And THANK YOU;-)

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5/29/2021 12 Comments

Who am I if I’m not my thoughts?

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so - William Shakespeare

You are not your thoughts. Repeat, “I am not my thoughts”.

“Well, wait a minute,” says one of our executive leadership participants on a recent call. “I have a thought, I take an action, then another action and another thought. Someone else isn’t having those thoughts, so how am I not my thoughts?”

“If you’re having the thought, then how can you BE the thought?," I reply. "You are the awareness behind the thought."

(Cue confused look with a mix of “Aha!” and a bit of “Wait, what?!”)

I think therefore I am... NOT my thoughts
French philosopher René Descartes coined the term Cogito ergo sum, or “I think therefore I am.” He believed that thoughts are evidence we exist.

However, if we are aware of our thoughts, how can we be the thoughts? If we hear the voice in our head, are we not the awareness behind the voice?

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” — Eckhart Tolle

The average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day, according to a 2005 study by the National Science Foundation. But what’s thought-provoking about the research (pun intended!) is that 80% of thoughts are negative or fear-based, and 95% of thoughts are repetitive.

While that may sound shocking, it’s evidence of our “Negativity Bias” and why we’re far more likely to focus on an insult amidst a stream of compliments or to focus on a small failure in a career full of successes.

Our brains are wired to look for problems and detect threats, an evolutionary gain that kept our ancestors alive and able to detect and run away from predators or danger. Now we have to consciously work harder to stay “above the line”.

Hacking our negativity bias
The Four Noble Truths (the core teachings in Buddhism) summarized below highlight a way out of negativity and give us a starting point to explore the deeper questions of who we are.

Suffering is inevitable
The cause of suffering is attachment
We can end the cause of suffering through detachment
Detachment comes by following the Eightfold path

We signed up for our suffering
Let’s consider the first point that suffering is inevitable. During our lives there will be loss, challenges, moments of despair. Suffering is inevitable, but why?

One theory of why we exist is that we are born for our soul to go to “Earth school” and our experiences are things we signed up for; courses in “Grief, Forgiveness, Despair,” for example. We can consider those of us who have experienced serious traumas as getting “masters and PhDs” in these lessons as we move and evolve toward higher consciousness.

If reading this makes you upset and think, “how could my painful experience with (death, loss, betrayal, violation, etc.) be something I signed up for, this is ludicrous!”, bear with me and let’s take a moment to consider the second point.

We get attached to what happened to us, or we get stuck in the repetitive thinking of “This or that happened to me” and we can even subconsciously recreate these scenarios to reinforce our attachment.

The cause of suffering is attachment
When we attach ourselves to what’s happening to us, or to our ego, or to the story we find ourselves in, we become attached to the experiences and their outcomes and forget that we’re here to learn.

We get attached to what happened to us, or we get stuck in the repetitive thinking of “This or that happened to me” and we can even subconsciously recreate these scenarios to reinforce our attachment or belief.

Let’s take forgiveness: Say you “signed up” for forgiveness and in this life you were deeply betrayed by a loved one. The thought of this person brings back painful memories and even anger and frustration.

But who was it that was betrayed? The individual you, or the infinite you? (or your soul, the awareness behind the thoughts and behind the experience?)

How can we learn forgiveness without having something or someone to forgive? And how can we master forgiveness without having something really big to forgive? Take a moment and consider: Is it possible to look at the person who betrayed you and shift beyond anger and resentment to... gratitude for helping you to learn a powerful lesson?

Neal Donald Waslch makes this point beautifully in the book “The Little Soul and the Sun.” You can hear a 10-min reading of this children’s book (with lessons applicable to ANYONE at ANY AGE).

12 Comments

5/26/2021 0 Comments

Stop beating yourself up

We all do it. The voice in our heads is the meanest, most critical and nastiest against oneself. If you’ve ever been yelled at or on the receiving end of spiteful and mean behavior, you’re only getting a taste of how this person treats themselves.

The way we treat ourselves translates directly into how we treat our planet (and vice versa). In order to find love and compassion for our “various parts”, we need to be aware of our inner critics and the parts within ourselves we don’t want to see or accept.

Even I fall victim to this “beating myself up” behavior

Recently I made a familiar mistake. I learned (again) that I need to keep boundaries in place so as not to burnout and “over-give”. I’ve learned this lesson about a million times before.

I started down the same, “Oh you idiot, I can’t believe you did this again… you should know better”. Mindful awareness allowed me to identify that I was being too hard on myself. But sometimes recognition alone isn’t enough and the self-loathing and frustration can feel like a deep pit you’re unable to dig yourself out of.

However, beating yourself up is the most SELFISH and EGOTISTICAL thing you do

When we get upset with ourselves, we are really just disappointed that we are not fitting our idealized image of ourselves. Or worse, that our self-image is shattered. This can be the biggest letdown.

In releasing our attachment to the image of who we are, i.e. letting go of attachment to ego, we are able to accept our whole selves.

“It is mere [selfishness] to be inconsolable at seeing one’s own imperfections; but to stand face to face with them, neither flattering nor tolerating them, seeking to correct oneself without becoming pettish - this is to desire what is good for its own sake” - Fenelon as quoted by Huxley in Perennial Philosophy.

In releasing our attachment to the image of who we are, i.e. letting go of attachment to ego, we are able to accept our whole selves.

The ancient texts from India are pretty clear about the need to stay away from attachment; “Attachment breeds desire, the lust of possession that burns to anger. Anger clouds the judgement; you can no longer learn from past mistakes. Lost is the power to choose between what is wise and what is unwise, and your life is utter waste.” (Bhagavad Gita, 2.62)

Recognizing we are not our thoughts

We are not our thoughts. We are not the voice(s) we hear in our heads. So who are we?

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” — Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

“Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draw it. Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves.” (Dhammapada, 1.1-2)

The next time you hear that self-criticizing voice in your head, ask yourself what you’re really upset about, and who’s really affected. And ask yourself, where am I putting my energy? Is this where I want to be placing it?

The path to self-love and compassion starts with a letting go of and a detachment from ego.

“Those who see all creatures in themselves and themselves in all creatures know no grief. How can the multiplicity of life delude the one who sees it’s unity?” (Isha Upanishad, 6)

Books referenced and for further reading:

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

The Upanishads, translated by Easwaran

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3/16/2021 0 Comments

Repattern our subconscious for success. The Why and How.

Maybe you were yelled at as a kid or told you weren't good enough. So now everything you do is somehow “not good enough” and you’re always chasing the next promotion, or big win.

Maybe you watched your parents have a big fight that enhanced your sense of guilt. You take on everyone else’s problems and that immense sense of responsibility is a heavy weight you carry on your back.

Maybe worse.

Our childhood experiences, traumas and patterns of being shape our subconscious mind, which is responsible for 90-95% of our brain activity.

We believe we are alone and shut out those we love, burn bridges and suddenly our fear becomes our reality.

Every day we choose how to see the world and thus
co-create our reality.

We walk by a friend and wave from afar. She ignores us. We spend the next hour wondering why she didn't acknowledge us, or what we’ve done to upset her. We may even act out further. (The friend didn’t see you waving…).

We believe we are alone and shut out those we love, burn bridges and suddenly our fear becomes our reality.

Oh, the stories we create in our heads!

All this subconscious programming CAN BE ALIGNED with consciousness. There is a way of becoming more aware of our thoughts AND THERE IS A WAY to repattern your subconscious.

I taught a 90 min practice on repatterning the subconscious using yoga and affirmations to balance the chakras on the Spring Equinox. If you missed it, you can watch the intro talk here.

Here are some book resources on Energy Medicine and Subconscious Repatterning to deepen your knowledge:

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1/31/2021 0 Comments

The Chakra System: why it matters to conscious leadership

In this post-pandemic and mostly working from home era, the lines between work-life and home-life balance have blurred. Maybe that's a good thing.

We now greet our colleagues with occasional visitors passing in the background (partners, children, pets) and while we may be physically separated, in some ways we've gained greater insight into each others' lives. We are after all, a whole person, not just the role we play at work.

As we begin to integrate our whole selves in our work, we can expand this integration using the ancient chakra system. This comprehensive system enables us to recognize the interconnectedness between our emotional, physical and mental well-being. When our chakras or "centers of energy" are flowing freely, we find balance in our day-to-day lives; we are healthy, able to cope naturally with the ups and downs of our existence.

When our chakras are out of balance, we have a tendency toward certain negative behaviors; we even have chronic health conditions associated with this area of imbalance. If left unchecked this "dis-ease" of the flow of our energy leads to disease.

The ROOTSilience Leadership Course is oriented around the chakra system to guide us into connecting conscious leadership with food and yoga as medicine. Within each chakra, we explore associated leadership qualities, where we may over or underuse them, and how to recognize and bring into balance the associated emotions and physical symptoms using yoga, meditation and healing foods.

For more on the chakras, check out the above intro video from our course.

Here are two resources I mention in the video and that are my "GO TO" references for the chakras.

Anodea Judith's book, "Wheels of Life"
This is the most comprehensive book on the chakra system. I love how Judith weaves in ancient teachings, current science and how we can consider our society as collectively "rising through the chakras". Each chakra has a beautiful meditation, key info and a discussion of the greater applications of the chakra, from our personal health and well-being to what we see showing up in the world. There are also several practices and ways to bring the chakra into balance.

Christiane Northrup's book, "Women's Wisdom, Women's Bodies"
I'll never forget when my friend Maria gave me this book. That's when I first started to recognize the connection between my own chronic health issues and my emotional well-being. Dr. Northrup is an OBGYN and this book gives a fantastic balance of her own story, scientific and anecdotal evidence on the biochemical reactions that accompany emotional states, plus it has an "encyclopedia-like" look up feature to quickly look up any condition and it's possible emotional / mental imbalance.

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9/24/2020 0 Comments

Top 10 Time Management Tips for Leaders

Photo by José Borges

The breeze is blowing stronger, beaches are emptying and while we don't get fall foliage in the Azores I can certainly feel the erratic intensity that comes with the seasonal shift from summer to autumn.

Everyone I speak to is feeling a bit overwhelmed. My invitation to students to slow down and tune into the rhythms of nature are falling on deaf ears.

The boundaries between work and home are blurred with never ending calls and more ways to stay connected to everyone else but ourselves.

This shouldn't be a time to go off the edge.

That's why I'm sharing my Top 10 Time Management Tips for Leaders video from my Mindful Business Leader course.

This 11-minute video describes why mindfulness is critical to time management and how to work smarter, not just harder.

I also provide practical tips on:

The best way to start your morning
Manage your notifications and things that scatter your attention
Setting expectations on how people can reach you
Become the "bouncer" of your own schedule
Saying yes ONLY when it's a "Hell YEAH" and how to ask for more info when it's not
What is sacred to you and how to make time for that
Meal times and carving out time to give your nervous system what it needs to digest
Setting boundaries and how to say "NO"
Avoid overpromising and setting unnecessary deadlines

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7/13/2020 0 Comments

What is a Leader?

“Good Morning”, I said as I sped past my colleagues huddled around the water cooler. It was my first morning as manager, and at 26, I was a good 10 years younger than my colleagues and from what I could gather from their grim responses and hushed conversations they weren’t exactly thrilled that I was now their “leader”.

I had been promoted for my stellar performance as an environmental insurance underwriter for AIG, and I had uprooted my life from New York City to Boston as the company invited me to breathe some life back into a region that had been falling behind. But in those first few weeks the promotion felt more like a curse than a well-deserved reward. I could feel the resentment in the looks of my colleagues. I found myself questioning whether I could truly be a Leader.

Now, nearly 15 years later, after an MBA at the prestigious MIT Sloan School of Management, running a management consulting practice and leaving everything I knew to start a boutique travel business in the Azores, Portugal, I have no doubt about being a leader. A leader is someone who follows his or her purpose and serves selflessly for the greater good,

Let me say that again: A leader is someone who follows his or her purpose and serves selflessly for the greater good, inspiring others along the way. Let’s break that down a bit.

[A leader is someone who follows his or her purpose…]

What is purpose? Do you know yours? How do you know whether you are living and leading in alignment with your purpose. Or not?

When you live your purpose it’s like a puzzle piece clicks into place, enabling you to see and BE part of the bigger picture. When you click into your purpose the other pieces fall into place and you naturally inspire and motivate others.

[A Leader is someone who follows his or her purpose… and serves selflessly]

This is a biggie. Leadership is service. It’s not about winning awards and titles and gaining fame and notoriety (although these things will naturally flow when you do what you love simply because you love it).

Leadership is serving without expectation or attachment to results. Do you seek external validation on whether you’re good enough? Sure, awards and recognition are great marketing but can you be proud of yourself (and your team and company) without someone else telling you how great you are?

Author, activist and Professor Charles Eistenstein talks about "Life as a Gift": We didn't earn fresh air, we didn't earn our breath, nor the right to live. So naturally, we have a desire to give back. When we can share our gifts selflessly with the world, we are living our purpose.

Serving selflessly is living your purpose, using your unique talents and gifts toward something you love, simply because that is the purest expression of who you are. P.s. this is the secret to life.

Who comes to mind when you think about a Leader?

Leadership is increasingly becoming about serving the needs of our community and planet, and not just seeking profit. This is what I call being a mindful business leader.

Hitler certainly motivated and inspired millions of people, but to commit unspeakable atrocities that are still felt today.

Was he a leader? How about Gandhi?

[A leader is someone who follows his or her purpose and serves selflessly... for the greater good]

This is where I start to veer off from the traditional metrics and definitions of leadership.

But I’m not alone. Harvard Business Review's global CEO ranking recently wrote: "Since 2015 our ranking has been based not only on financial performance but also on environmental, social, and governance (ESG) ratings." Jeff Bezos used to top these lists based on net worth and financial performance but since HBR implemented its revised criteria, he dropped from #1 to #87. This year he's not even on the list.

Leadership is increasingly becoming about serving the needs of our community and planet, and not just seeking profit. This is what I call being a mindful business leader.

Maybe it was knowing that my colleagues didn’t believe I deserved that promotion, or maybe I instinctively knew that by doing my best and doing good for my team everything would soon be okay. In the end, I’m grateful that so many years later I am still in touch with my old team and I’ve even convinced a few to make a trip over to our lodge in the Azores!

Join the Mindful Business Series next cohort starting August 8!

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