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  • Online Courses
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In an age of overstimulation, focusing on the essential can be elusive. I explore the intersection of conscious leadership, mindfulness + spirituality to enable overall health and wellbeing.

9/27/2021 16 Comments

The dark side of success

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Article edited by Filipe Rocha, Center for Human Flourishing
The Illusion: The Race to the Top

​My heart buzzes with excitement and possibility in this picture-perfect New England summer day. Not a cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze and a comfortable 78 degrees. The kind of day we suffer those long winters for. 

I was thrilled to be joining my team on our annual summer outing sailing along the Boston Harbor. Thanks boss!

My mouth watered at the sight of the lobster rolls, oysters, artisanal beer, champagne and all the delicacies we could dream of. My boss pulled me aside and commended me on my hard work and incredible results. I was being considered for making partner. I felt amazing. The beer buzz maybe helped a little.

What else would one ask for?

I was on top of the world. I always reached for “the top”.

In high school and university reaching for the top meant getting straight As and graduating from an Ivy League university Magna Cum Laude. Then in my 20s while working on Wall St. at AIG reaching for the top was becoming the #1 underwriter (they ranked all 200 of us weekly) based on the revenue I earned the company. 

Post MBA (from MIT Sloan, mind you) reaching for the top meant getting promoted and making partner, which meant doing anything that enabled my company to earn 15% or more revenue over the previous year, and then the same or more the year after that.
The endless networking events and dinners meant I had little time to spend with my partner or with myself. The intense and high-paced rhythm pushed me to be constantly ON. I was having recurring urinary tract infections and just kept popping antibiotics, never making the connection that my body was screaming at me to slow down. 

Meanwhile the climb never ended. There was always more to do, more outreach I should be doing, more potential clients I could be reaching, more opportunities to increase our revenue. I had a bright red Prius with leather seats, but my friends just got a Leaf. 

There was more to achieve, I needed to be better. The huge win I had received lavish praise and compensation for just a few months ago, was now old news. For some reason, it no longer gave me that gratification, that high sensation, that feeling of pride and satisfaction. In other words, it no longer filled and fulfilled me. So, I needed more. I needed to find the next success, the next great sale, the next praise to feel satisfied again. What could I conquer next? 

On my way to the top I received bigger bonuses, participated in ever more extravagant and exclusive celebration dinners. Climbing to the top definitely had its perks.

​But at what cost?
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The Reality: the (Rat) Race

I soon realized with this insatiable desire for MORE, the reach for the top was always in sight but always just out of reach. 

Constantly reaching for an exponential and unattainable goal kept me from being at peace with myself. I was constantly chasing the “dangling carrots” of more praise, more accomplishment, more recognition and more money. I was filling myself up on these false substitutes for happiness, and never getting full. 

Maybe you can relate?

More importantly this “race to the top” and myopic focus on financial gain alone led to company decisions that were based on selfish personal gain and often led to unethical behavior. 

Company parties and booze-infused networking events often resulted in extra-marital shenanigans; we promised “the world” to the clients at the pitch meeting to win the deal, but the delivery didn’t always add up. 

It was easy to get swept up in all this. I mean everyone else was doing it so...

After the boat docked the party continued. We landed with happy hour and hours later we closed the bar. We then continued at a colleague’s home nearby and needless to say the sun- and booze-filled day left me dehydrated. At some ungodly hour I was vomiting over my colleague’s kitchen sink with another colleague holding my hair. Was this “the top”?

The “highs” of winning big deals and getting promotions, even these reckless nights out on the company dime meant nothing compared to the “lows” of a deep inner knowing that something was really wrong. I had come to truly care for my colleagues and clients. I could see this pressure to reach the top and the “short cuts” they’d been taking to get there was taking a toll on them. I could tell because it took a toll on me. I wasn’t sleeping well. I spent weekends drinking and doing recreational drugs, and filling my time with never-ending plans and to dos. I worked hard to numb that inner knowing because I wasn’t ready to accept that my whole life I had been in a race to “the top”, a top that in fact didn’t exist.

I did, fortunately, have my regular yoga practice, one I started in high school and had luckily kept up over the years. Yoga grounded me in self-inquiry. It was during my yoga practice I had a glimpse into something more than this race to the top. In these moments of being with the present and being with myself, I could hear and feel this inner knowing. 

I started to listen.

Elevating Consciousness: Living Truth

Meanwhile, my partner João and I got engaged and in considering a location for our destination wedding we took an exploratory trip to João’s native Azores Islands. Even though I had traveled to nearly 40 countries, I had never seen a place so rich in natural beauty, culture and delectable fresh cuisine. 

After that trip I came home from a tough day at work and felt the harsh reality of the world (prison) I had created. I felt so defeated. I had worked hard to build something I now didn’t believe in nor want to be a part of. I didn’t need the country club membership or the house on the Cape. And I certainly didn’t need the miserable life (broken marriages and substance abuse) that went along with it all. There had to be another way.

After hearing me complain for the umpteenth time about all this João asked me, “So what makes you feel complete? What gives meaning to every day?”

The conversations that followed in those 18 months leading up to the wedding turned our wedding planning trip into a life planning trip and is where the story of MINUVIDA begins…

Questions to you dear reader: 
  • Can you relate? 
  • What is "the top" for you? 
  • How do you live your truth?
16 Comments
Violante Medeiros
10/1/2021 08:10:35 pm

I love your writing - you always have a way of painting all the canvas and placing us with you in the middle of the scenery:)

I, too, faced a long look within and had to face the truth that it was time to chang. "I took the road I wanted, achieved my goals, and now what? Why do I feel like escaping this and never looking back?". Quitting was easy, it seemed like it would be admiiting defeat but actually fel t like a huuuuge relieeeeef.... aaahhhhh!

The hardest part, though, was figuring out what to do next and how to find that fulfillng new career. This time more attentive to my inner guidance, but also because of that - if felt harder and was a lot more demanding of myself...

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Rimi
10/6/2021 05:00:34 pm

Thank you Violante, so glad this resonates for you and that you've found ways to tune into your inner guidance. I find it helps if we learn to trust ourselves and surrender more (of course easier said than done). Thx for the read and comment <3

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Samantha Anderson
10/2/2021 04:21:24 pm

Rimi, thank you for sharing your authentic story with us. It’s so important to stop to reflect on that constant beat of the “Am I Enough?” and “Do I Have Enough?” The answer is — more often than not!— a resounding YES! But we have to slow down to hear the answer. Keep using your voice to share your truths. I’m so grateful to be present to your journey!

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Rimi
10/6/2021 05:01:30 pm

Thank you for reading and for your comment and YES we are enough! You often remind me of that when I get into my "old ways". Thank you for being a guiding light for us all dear soul-sister <3

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Helen & Filipe
10/7/2021 12:44:27 pm

Sweet Rimi, you pour your heart and soul into your writing, and it is beautiful. Sharing a piece of you, inspires me to share my story. I can relate to the feeling of reaching a point where I feel I have everything I ever wanted, and to sit with "I am enough, I have enough", "I am worthy". Last night, with your reminder of the New Moon in Libra, I celebrated my achievements and thanked the universe while swimming under the skies. I am grateful we have met, and feel such a strong connection. Until we meet again.

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Rimi Chakraborty
11/3/2021 04:50:19 pm

I'm so glad you got that swim in! And so glad that you can relate and that you took the time to celebrate your achievements, such an important part of embodying being "enough". <3

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Fabio Lima
10/7/2021 06:13:57 pm

I am not smart enough and not driven to pursue all that so I don’t have that problem. Since moving to Texas, working from home has been both a blessing and a challenge in other ways with constant workflows and back to back meetings so I have found balance by working with myself hands, pulling out weeds in my yard, mowing and cutting my own lawn and laboring with my hands has given me good balance to my mental health and is therapeutic and spending time outside a little bit each day has been beneficial versus working out if a table and laptop in a spare bedroom all day all week long.
I have opportunities to grow at my organization but I love being at home and accessible to my family and work is how I make my living to take care of us, if ranks very low in order of priorities.
I place a premium on being able to walk my dog and casually speaking to my friendly Texas neighbors, going to my oldest son’s soccer games and enjoying time with family, reading and meditating and focus on my own spirituality and I am hoping to eventually purchase a guitar and software to self teach myself music theory and play the guitar.

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Rimi Chakraborty
11/3/2021 04:52:28 pm

Thank you for sharing <3

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Melissa
10/7/2021 10:40:06 pm

Thanks for sharing Rimi! I appreciate and admire the journey you have taken. I also think there is lots of work to do to make the 'wins' and corporate celebrations more valuable to all. Your descriptions are delightfully vivid... helpful clarity that fraternity-style events are hardly equitable 'benefits.'

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Rimi Chakraborty
11/3/2021 04:51:57 pm

Thank you so much Melissa. Great point on the equitable "benefits". I hope we can shift toward company outings that are about learning and self-care, vs. what my company (and many others) do on a regular basis.

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Thomas Bryant
10/7/2021 11:48:48 pm

A beautiful outcome Rimi…and Joao- and together which changes the world. Thank you. Respect. And love.

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Rimi Chakraborty
11/3/2021 04:48:16 pm

Thank you Tom, so appreciate your reading and commenting <3

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Dewey Nichols link
10/18/2021 11:59:32 am

Loved reading this Rimi.

Imagine that by stepping out of the race for the top, you actually found it. A true, self-defined, excellence achieved!

Congrats!

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Rimi
11/3/2021 04:47:39 pm

Thank you Dewey. It's certainly been better stepping out of the rat-race. Also illuminating to see that sometimes the race (or pressure) comes from within. Being here and living with purpose has helped tremendously and I hope what I've learned is meaningful to others and can add to our collective evolution. Thx for reading!

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Hiral
10/19/2021 03:42:37 am

Rimi

This resonated so much. More so because I left the rat race and then came back into it!! This article is so thought provoking. Thank you!

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Rimi
11/3/2021 04:46:02 pm

Thank you Hiral, so glad you can relate and that it resonated so much. Hopefully we're all learning and helping each other and our businesses via our collective experiences.

Reply



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    Rimi is a mindful business leader, yogi and entrepreneur. 

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