Who am I if I’m not my thoughts?

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so - William Shakespeare

You are not your thoughts. Repeat, “I am not my thoughts”. 

“Well, wait a minute,” says one of our executive leadership participants on a recent call. “I have a thought, I take an action, then another action and another thought. Someone else isn’t having those thoughts, so how am I not my thoughts?”

“If you’re having the thought, then how can you BE the thought?," I reply. "You are the awareness behind the thought."

(Cue confused look with a mix of “Aha!” and a bit of “Wait, what?!”)

I think therefore I am... NOT my thoughts
French philosopher René Descartes coined the term Cogito ergo sum, or “I think therefore I am.” He believed that thoughts are evidence we exist.

However, if we are aware of our thoughts, how can we be the thoughts? If we hear the voice in our head, are we not the awareness behind the voice? 

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” — Eckhart Tolle

The average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day, according to a 2005 study by the National Science Foundation. But what’s thought-provoking about the research (pun intended!) is that 80% of thoughts are negative or fear-based, and 95% of thoughts are repetitive. 

While that may sound shocking, it’s evidence of our “Negativity Bias” and why we’re far more likely to focus on an insult amidst a stream of compliments or to focus on a small failure in a career full of successes. 

Our brains are wired to look for problems and detect threats, an evolutionary gain that kept our ancestors alive and able to detect and run away from predators or danger. Now we have to consciously work harder to stay “above the line”. ​

Hacking our negativity bias
The Four Noble Truths (the core teachings in Buddhism) summarized below highlight a way out of negativity and give us a starting point to explore the deeper questions of who we are.

1. Suffering is inevitable
2. The cause of suffering is attachment
3. We can end the cause of suffering through detachment
4. Detachment comes by following the Eightfold path 

We signed up for our suffering
Let’s consider the first point that suffering is inevitable. During our lives there will be loss, challenges, moments of despair. Suffering is inevitable, but why? 

One theory of why we exist is that we are born for our soul to go to “Earth school” and our experiences are things we signed up for; courses in “Grief, Forgiveness, Despair,” for example. We can consider those of us who have experienced serious traumas as getting “masters and PhDs” in these lessons as we move and evolve toward higher consciousness. 

If reading this makes you upset and think, “how could my painful experience with (death, loss, betrayal, violation, etc.) be something I signed up for, this is ludicrous!”, bear with me and let’s take a moment to consider the second point. ​

We get attached to what happened to us, or we get stuck in the repetitive thinking of “This or that happened to me” and we can even subconsciously recreate these scenarios to reinforce our attachment. ​

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The cause of suffering is attachment
When we attach ourselves to what’s happening to us, or to our ego, or to the story we find ourselves in, we become attached to the experiences and their outcomes and forget that we’re here to learn.
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We get attached to what happened to us, or we get stuck in the repetitive thinking of “This or that happened to me” and we can even subconsciously recreate these scenarios to reinforce our attachment or belief.

​Let’s take forgiveness: Say you “signed up” for forgiveness and in this life you were deeply betrayed by a loved one. The thought of this person brings back painful memories and even anger and frustration. 

But who was it that was betrayed? The individual you, or the infinite you? (or your soul, the awareness behind the thoughts and behind the experience?) 

How can we learn forgiveness without having something or someone to forgive? And how can we master forgiveness without having something really big to forgive? Take a moment and consider: Is it possible to look at the person who betrayed you and shift beyond anger and resentment to... gratitude for helping you to learn a powerful lesson? 

Neal Donald Waslch makes this point beautifully in the book “The Little Soul and the Sun.” You can hear a 10-min reading of this children’s book (with lessons applicable to ANYONE at ANY AGE).

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​Now being in “Earth School” ain’t all that bad. We may experience tremendous joy and climb in our careers. We may find ourselves with bigger and bigger paychecks, the ability to travel wherever we want, own the house of our dreams, give our children the lives we wish we had.

But even these rewards that are often the core of “success and happiness” can breed suffering.

Many of the leaders I work with are attached to Success -- as in attached to a result or an outcome -- whether it be praise, a raise, an award or some form of external recognition. Somehow we can’t feel good about ourselves or our work without some external validation. 

Attachment to status or needing to make this or that much money results in stuff owning you. You’re trapped in a life you want to get out of but believe you can’t. 

Some of the oldest recorded writings on philosophy highlight this point:

“Bound on all sides by scheming and anxiety, driven by anger and greed, they amass by any means they can a hoard of money for the satisfaction of their cravings. “I got this today, “ they say; “tomorrow I shall get that. This wealth is mine, and that will be mine too. ...I am successful…Driven by selfish desire, they miss the goal of life, miss even happiness and success.” (Bhagavad Gita, 16.11 - 14, 23)

And further: 
“Those who are motivated only by desire for the fruits of action are miserable, for they are constantly anxious about the results of what they do” (Bhagavad Gita, 2.49)

​Letting go of attachment
Consider that deep down you signed up to learn happiness. I mean, haven’t we all? Is happiness dependent on something external? No.

While receiving praise and reward can be incredibly fulfilling, the key is not to get attached or expect it. Can you be proud of yourself and content in doing what you do without the dangling carrot?

​“Having conquered their senses, they have climbed to the summit of human consciousness. To such people a clod of dirt or stone and gold are the same. They are equally disposed to a family, enemies, and friends, to those who support them and those who are hostile, to the good and the evil alike. Because they are impartial, they rise to great heights.” (Bhagavad Gita, 6.8)

We can end suffering through detachment. 

We can change the way we think by creating new patterns and ways of thinking. Then maybe we can understand (or remember) that we are not separate. The awareness that exists behind your thoughts is the same awareness behind all thoughts (of people, animals, trees, etc.). 

“To be truly happy is to be successful at life and, like anything worth accomplishing, these practices require dedication. We must choose a peaceful response in times of conflict. We must choose to tell the truth even when it’s not convenient.” Jennie Lee, author of True Yoga.

Are you still with me? Are you wondering HOW do we let go of attachment? 

The Eightfold Path is a succinct and clear path anyone can follow and I recommend you check out further readings on this. 

The complete practice of yoga was created to calm the “fluctuations of the mind”; yogas citta-vrtti-nirodhah (Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra 1.2)

The deeper questions I’m interested in are: Why do we sign up to learn in the first place? And if we are not our thoughts, and we are the awareness behind the thoughts, then who is that awareness? I have some theories if you’re interested to hear more...

Let me know if this made sense or didn’t. I just ask that we are kind in how we pose questions and we have an open mind in exploring this path together. 

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